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Hatred

Like everything, we can get a feel for something, a glimpse of understanding but nowhere near the full experience, like seeing something in a photograph as opposed to experiencing it first hand. Last night I had a nightmare, I believe this to be the seed. Watching it in bed probably didn’t help.

Some dreams leave you completely unable to recall anything. Some you are still half experiencing as you wake, remembering the full event. Others unravel in great detail, each recollection unlocking another in a domino fashion, requiring a single spark to trigger your memory. I’ve just had such a spark.

In reality I’m white, male, and the coins in my wallet can be counted on one hand. Some dreams I can walk again, others not. Last night was the latter. What is unusual is that I was also a member of an ethnic minority, living somewhere in the USA.
The hatred felt was overwhelming. Vulgar shouts of abuse were directed at me. Anything not nailed down was thrown at me and there was absolutely nothing I could do. The crowd circled around me, preventing my wheelchair from leaving. Everything escalated quickly. Guns were drawn and pointed at me, and from nowhere plastic petrol cans appeared and I was threatened with being doused. I was completely helpless. I was terrified.

Writing this now, I know it was just a dream. As vivid as it was, I know I’m safe. I’m not going to be shouted at, have things thrown at me, be shot or set alight. As scared as I was last night, I know it’s nothing more than an inkling, a glimpse at what is reality for so many. Too many.

If only we could all stop the hatred.

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